- Leave off that! - screamed the Queen. - You make me giddy. - And
then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, - What HAVE you been doing
here?
- May it please your Majesty, - said Two, in a very humble tone,
going down on one knee as he spoke, - we were trying
- I see! - said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the
roses. - Off with their heads! - and the procession moved on, three of the
soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to
Alice for protection.
- You shan't be beheaded! - said Alice, and she put them into a large
flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute
or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.
- Are their heads off? - shouted the Queen.
- Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty! - the soldiers
shouted in reply.
- That's right! - shouted the Queen. - Can you play croquet? The
soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently
meant for her.
- Yes! - shouted Alice.
- Come on, then! - roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
wondering very much what would happen next.
- It's - it's a very fine day! - said a timid voice at her side. She
was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
- Very, - said Alice: - where's the Duchess?
- Hush! Hush! - said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered - She's under
sentence of execution.
- What for? - said Alice.
- Did you say - What a pity! - ? - the Rabbit asked.
- No, I didn't, - said Alice: - I don't think it's at all a pity. I
said - What for?
- She boxed the Queen's ears - the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
scream of laughter. - Oh, hush! - the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
tone. - The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
Queen said
- Get to your places! - shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up
and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her
flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably
enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as
she had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the
hedgehog a blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in
her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting
out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and
walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time
the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting
- Off with his head! - or - Off with her head! about once in a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had
any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
- and then, - thought she, - what would become of me? They're dreadfully
fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
left alive!
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether
she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious
appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after
watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to
herself - It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.
- How are you getting on? - said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. - It's no use
speaking to it, - she thought, - till its ears have come, or at least one
of them. - In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she
had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
- I don't think they play at all fairly, - Alice began, in rather a
complaining tone, - and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
oneself speak - and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at
least, if there are, nobody attends to them - and you've no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the arch
I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground -
and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran
away when it saw mine coming?
- How do you like the Queen? - said the Cat in a low voice.
- Not at all, - said Alice: - she's so extremely - Just then she
noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, -
likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.
The Queen smiled and passed on. - Who ARE you talking to? - said the
King, going up to Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great
curiosity.
- It's a friend of mine - a Cheshire Cat, - said Alice: - allow me to
introduce it.
- I don't like the look of it at all, - said the King: - however, it
may kiss my hand if it likes.
- I'd rather not, - the Cat remarked.
- Don't be impertinent, - said the King, - and don't look at me like
that! - He got behind Alice as he spoke.
- A cat may look at a king, - said Alice. - I've read that in some
book, but I don't remember where.
- Well, it must be removed, - said the King very decidedly, and he
called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, - My dear! I wish you
would have this cat removed!
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or
small. - Off with his head! - she said, without even looking round.
- I'll fetch the executioner myself, - said the King eagerly, and he
hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was
going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of
things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which
seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with
the other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to
the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a
helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the
fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: - but it doesn't
matter much, - thought Alice, - as all the arches are gone from the side
of the ground. - So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find
quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on
between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at
once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what
they said.
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head
unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do
such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in
less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this
last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but - It belongs to the
Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.
- She's in prison, - the Queen said to the executioner: - fetch her
here. - And the executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the
time he had disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and
down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.



CHAPTER IX

The Mock Turtle's Story

- You can't think you glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!
- said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
they walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and
thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her
so savage when they met in the kitchen.
- When I'M a Duchess, - she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful
tone though), - I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does
very well without - Maybe it's always pepper that makes people
hot-tempered, - she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new
kind of rule, - and vinegar that makes them sour - and camomile that makes
them bitter - and - and barley-sugar and such things that make children
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
stingy about it, you know
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. - You're thinking
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell
you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.
- Perhaps it hasn't one, - Alice ventured to remark.
- Tut, tut, child! - said the Duchess. - Everything's got a moral, if
only you can find it. - And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side
as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right
height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably
sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well
as she could.
- The game's going on rather better now, - she said, by way of
keeping up the conversation a little.
- 'Tis so, - said the Duchess: - and the moral of that is - Oh, 'tis
love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!
- Somebody said, - Alice whispered, - that it's done by everybody
minding their own business!
- Ah, well! It means much the same thing, - said the Duchess, digging
her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, - and the moral
of THAT is - Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
themselves.
- How fond she is of finding morals in things! - Alice thought to
herself.
- I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your
waist, - the Duchess said after a pause: - the reason is, that I'm
doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?
- HE might bite, - Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all
anxious to have the experiment tried.
- Very true, - said the Duchess: - flamingoes and mustard both bite.
And the moral of that is - Birds of a feather flock together.
- Only mustard isn't a bird, - Alice remarked.
- Right, as usual, - said the Duchess: - what a clear way you have of
putting things!
- It's a mineral, I THINK, - said Alice.
- Of course it is, - said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
everything that Alice said; - there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
the moral of that is - The more there is of mine, the less there is of
yours.
- Oh, I know! - exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last
remark, - it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.
- I quite agree with you, - said the Duchess; - and the moral of that
is - Be what you would seem to be - or if you'd like it put more simply -
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to
others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what
you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
- I think I should understand that better, - Alice said very
politely, - if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you
say it.
- That's nothing to what I could say if I chose, - the Duchess
replied, in a pleased tone.
- Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that, - said
Alice.
- Oh, don't talk about trouble! - said the Duchess. - I make you a
present of everything I've said as yet.
- A cheap sort of present! - thought Alice. - I'm glad they don't
give birthday presents like that! - But she did not venture to say it out
loud.
- Thinking again? - the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
little chin.
- I've a right to think - said Alice sharply, for she was beginning
to feel a little worried.
- Just about as much right, - said the Duchess, - as pigs have to
fly; and the m
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away,
even in the middle of her favourite word - moral, - and the arm that was
linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the
Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a
thunderstorm.
- A fine day, your Majesty! - the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
- Now, I give you fair warning, - shouted the Queen, stamping on the
ground as she spoke; - either you or your head must be off, and that in
about half no time! Take your choice!
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. - Let's go on
with the game, - the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too much
frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back
to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost
them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling
with the other players, and shouting - Off with his head! - or - Off with
her head! - Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the
soldiers, who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that
by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under
sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, -
Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet? - No, - said Alice. - I don't even know
what a Mock Turtle is. - It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from, -
said the Queen. - I never saw one, or heard of one, - said Alice. - Come
on, then, - said the Queen, - and he shall tell you his history,
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
to the company generally, - You are all pardoned. - - Come, THAT'S a good
thing! - she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number
of executions the Queen had ordered.
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. (IF
you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) - Up, lazy thing!
- said the Queen, - and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and
to hear his history. I must go back and see after some executions I have
ordered; - and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice
did not quite like the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought
it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage
Queen: so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen
till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. - What fun! - said the
Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.
- What IS the fun? - said Alice.
- Why, SHE, - said the Gryphon. - It's all her fancy, that: they
never executes nobody, you know. Come on!
- Everybody says - come on! - here, - thought Alice, as she went
slowly after it: - I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the
distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they
came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
pitied him deeply. - What is his sorrow? - she asked the Gryphon, and the
Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, - It's all his
fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large
eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
- This here young lady, - said the Gryphon, - she wants for to know
your history, she do.
- I'll tell it her, - said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: -
sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished. So they
sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, - I
don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin. - But she waited
patiently.
- Once, - said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, - I was a
real Turtle.
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
occasional exclamation of - Hjckrrh! - from the Gryphon, and the constant
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
saying, - Thank you, sir, for your interesting story, but she could not
help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
nothing.
- When we were little, - the Mock Turtle went on at last, more
calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, - we went to school in
the sea. The master was an old Turtle - we used to call him Tortoise
- Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one? - Alice asked.
- We called him Tortoise because he taught us, - said the Mock Turtle
angrily: - really you are very dull!
- You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple
question, - added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at
poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon
said to the Mock Turtle, - Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about
it! - and he went on in these words:
- Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it
- I never said I didn't! - interrupted Alice.
- You did, - said the Mock Turtle.
- Hold your tongue! - added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak
again. The Mock Turtle went on.
- We had the best of educations - in fact, we went to school every
day
- I'VE been to a day-school, too, - said Alice; - you needn't be so
proud as all that.
- With extras? - asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
- Yes, - said Alice, - we learned French and music.
- And washing? - said the Mock Turtle.
- Certainly not! - said Alice indignantly.
- Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school, - said the Mock Turtle
in a tone of great relief. - Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
- French, music, AND WASHING - extra.
- You couldn't have wanted it much, - said Alice; - living at the
bottom of the sea.
- I couldn't afford to learn it. - said the Mock Turtle with a sigh.
- I only took the regular course. - What was that? - inquired Alice. -
Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, - the Mock Turtle replied;
- and then the different branches of Arithmetic-Ambition, Distraction,
Uglification, and Derision.
- I never heard of - Uglification, - Alice ventured to say. - What is
it?
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. - What! Never heard
of uglifying! - it exclaimed. - You know what to beautify is, I suppose?
- Yes, - said Alice doubtfully: - it means - to - make - anything
prettier.
- Well, then, - the Gryphon went on, - if you don't know what to
uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so
she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said - What else had you to learn?
- Well, there was Mystery, - the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
the subjects on his flappers, - Mystery, ancient and modern, with
Seaography: then Drawling - the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
Fainting in Coils.
- What was THAT like? - said Alice.
- Well, I can't show it you myself, - the Mock Turtle said: - I'm too
stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.
- Hadn't time, - said the Gryphon: - I went to the Classics master,
though. He was an old crab, HE was.
- I never went to him, - the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: - he
taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.
- So he did, so he did, - said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and
both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
- And how many hours a day did you do lessons? - said Alice, in a
hurry to change the subject.
- Ten hours the first day, - said the Mock Turtle: - nine the next,
and so on.
- What a curious plan! - exclaimed Alice.
- That's the reason they're called lessons, - the Gryphon remarked: -
because they lessen from day to day. This was quite a new idea to Alice,
and she thought it over a little before she made her next remark. - Then
the eleventh day must have been a holiday?
- Of course it was, - said the Mock Turtle.
- And how did you manage on the twelfth? - Alice went on eagerly.
- That's enough about lessons, - the Gryphon interrupted in a very
decided tone: - tell her something about the games now.



CHAPTER X

The Lobster Quadrille

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper
across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute
or two sobs choked his voice. - Same as if he had a bone in his throat, -
said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in the
back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears running
down his cheeks, he went on again:
- You may not have lived much under the sea - (I haven't, - said
Alice) - and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster(Alice
began to say - I once tasted - but checked herself hastily, and said - No,
never') - so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster
Quadrille is!
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