This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she
set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and
till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
- And yet what a dear little puppy it was! - said Alice, as she leant
against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
leaves: - I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if - if I'd
only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've
got to grow up again! Let me see - how IS it to be managed? I suppose I
ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great question is, what?
The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at the
flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that looked
like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances. There was a
large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as herself; and
when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it
occurred to her that she might as well look and see what was on the top of
it.
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar, that
was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long
hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.


CHAPTER V

Advice from a Caterpillar

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in
silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and
addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.
- Who are YOU? - said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging
opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, - I - I hardly
know, sir, just at present-at least I know who I WAS when I got up this
morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.
- What do you mean by that? - said the Caterpillar sternly. - Explain
yourself!
- I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir - said Alice, - because I'm
not myself, you see.
- I don't see, - said the Caterpillar.
- I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly, - Alice replied very
politely, - for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so
many different sizes in a day is very confusing.
- It isn't, - said the Caterpillar.
- Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet, - said Alice; - but when
you have to turn into a chrysalis - you will some day, you know - and then
after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little queer,
won't you?
- Not a bit, - said the Caterpillar.
- Well, perhaps your feelings may be different, - said Alice; - all I
know is, it would feel very queer to ME.
- You! - said the Caterpillar contemptuously. - Who are YOU? Which
brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation. Alice felt a
little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY short remarks, and
she drew herself up and said, very gravely, - I think, you out to tell me
who YOU are, first.
- Why? - said the Caterpillar. Here was another puzzling question;
and as Alice could not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar
seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.
- Come back! - the Caterpillar called after her. - I've something
important to say!
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
- Keep your temper, - said the Caterpillar. - Is that all? - said Alice,
swallowing down her anger as well as she could.
- No, - said the Caterpillar. Alice thought she might as well wait,
as she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her
something worth hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking,
but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again,
and said,
- So you think you're changed, do you? - I'm afraid I am, sir, - said
Alice; - I can't remember things as I used - and I don't keep the same
size for ten minutes together!
- Can't remember WHAT things? - said the Caterpillar.
- Well, I've tried to say - HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE, - but it
all came different! - Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
- Repeat, - YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM, - said the Caterpillar.
Alice folded her hands, and began:

- You are old, Father William, - the young man said, - And your hair
has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?

- In my youth, - Father William replied to his son, - I feared it
might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.

- You are old, - said the youth, - as I mentioned before, And have
grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray, what is the reason of that?

- In my youth, - said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, - I kept
all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box
Allow me to sell you a couple?

- You are old, - said the youth, - and your jaws are too weak For
anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray how did you manage to do it?

- In my youth, - said his father, - I took to the law, And argued
each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.

- You are old, - said the youth, - one would hardly suppose That your
eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?

- I have answered three questions, and that is enough, Said his
father; - don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!

- That is not said right, - said the Caterpillar.
- Not QUITE right, I'm afraid, - said Alice, timidly; some of the
words have got altered.
- It is wrong from beginning to end, - said the Caterpillar
decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.
The Caterpillar was the first to speak. - What size do you want to
be? - it asked. - Oh, I'm not particular as to size, - Alice hastily
replied; - only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.
- I DON'T know, - said the Caterpillar. Alice said nothing: she had
never been so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt that she
was losing her temper.
- Are you content now? - said the Caterpillar.
- Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't
mind, - said Alice: - three inches is such a wretched height to be.
- It is a very good height indeed! - said the Caterpillar angrily,
rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
- But I'm not used to it! - pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And
she thought of herself, - I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily
offended!
- You'll get used to it in time, - said the Caterpillar; and it put
the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In a
minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned
once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, and
crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,
- One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make
you grow shorter.
- One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT? - thought Alice to
herself.
- Of the mushroom, - said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked
it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute,
trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly
round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she
stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit
of the edge with each hand.
- And now which is which? - she said to herself, and nibbled a little
of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a
violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she
felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so
she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed
so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her mouth;
but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand
bit.


* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

- Come, my head's free at last! - said Alice in a tone of delight,
which changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her
shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked
down, was an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out
of a sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
- What CAN all that green stuff be? - said Alice. - And where HAVE my
shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you? She
was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except
a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head,
she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going to
dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of
the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her
draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was
beating her violently with its wings.
- Serpent! - screamed the Pigeon.
- I'm NOT a serpent! - said Alice indignantly. - Let me alone!
- Serpent, I say again! - repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued
tone, and added with a kind of sob, - I've tried every way, and nothing
seems to suit them!
- I haven't the least idea what you're talking about, - said Alice.
- I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
hedges, - the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; - but those
serpents! There's no pleasing them!
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
- As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs, - said the
Pigeon; - but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!
- I'm very sorry you've been annoyed, - said Alice, who was beginning
to see its meaning.
- And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood, - continued the
Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, - and just as I was thinking I
should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
the sky! Ugh, Serpent!
- But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you! - said Alice. - I'm a - I'm a
- Well! WHAT are you? - said the Pigeon. - I can see you're trying to
invent something!
- I - I'm a little girl, - said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she
remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.
- A likely story indeed! - said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
contempt. - I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
egg!
- I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly, - said Alice, who was a very
truthful child; - but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do,
you know.
- I don't believe it, - said the Pigeon; - but if they do, why then
they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding,
- You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it
matter to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent?
- It matters a good deal to ME, - said Alice hastily; - but I'm not
looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I
don't like them raw.
- Well, be off, then! - said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it
settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as
well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches,
and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that
it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
and began talking to herself, as usual. - Come, there's half my plan done
now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to
be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size:
the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden - how IS that to be
done, I wonder? - As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place,
with a little house in it about four feet high. - Whoever lives there, -
thought Alice, - it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why, I should
frighten them out of their wits! - So she began nibbling at the righthand
bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought
herself down to nine inches high.



CHAPTER VI

Pig and Pepper

For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering
what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
wood - (she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a fish) -
and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another
footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both
footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their
heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and crept a
little way out of the wood to listen.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great
letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
saying, in a solemn tone, - For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
to play croquet. - The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
only changing the order of the words a little, - From the Queen. An
invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood
for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. - There's no sort of
use in knocking, - said the Footman, - and that for two reasons. First,
because I'm on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because
they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you. - And
certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within - a
constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if
a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
- Please, then, - said Alice, - how am I to get in?
- There might be some sense in your knocking, - the Footman went on
without attending to her, - if we had the door between us. For instance,
if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know. -
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
Alice thought decidedly uncivil. - But perhaps he can't help it, - she
said to herself; - his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head. But
at any rate he might answer questions. - How am I to get in? - she
repeated, aloud.
- I shall sit here, - the Footman remarked, - till tomorrow At this
moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came skimming out,
straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose, and broke to
pieces against one of the trees behind him.
- or next day, maybe, - the Footman continued in the same tone,
exactly as if nothing had happened.
- How am I to get in? - asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
- ARE you to get in at all? - said the Footman. - That's the first
question, you know.
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. - It's
really dreadful, - she muttered to herself, - the way all the creatures
argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
remark, with variations. - I shall sit here, - he said, - on and off, for
days and days.
- But what am I to do? - said Alice.
- Anything you like - said the Footman, and began whistling.
- Oh, there's no use in talking to him, - said Alice desperately: -
he's perfectly idiotic! - And she opened the door and went in. The door
led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to
the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle,
nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large
cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
- There's certainly too much pepper in that soup! - Alice said to
herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen that
did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the
hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
- Please would you tell me, - said Alice, a little timidly, for she
was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, -
why your cat grins like that?
- It's a Cheshire cat, - said the Duchess, - and that's why. Pig! She
said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped; but
she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not to
her, so she took courage, and went on again:
I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't
know that cats COULD grin.
- They all can, - said the Duchess; - and most of 'em do.
- I don't know of any that do, - Alice said very politely, feeling
quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
- You don't know much, - said the Duchess; - and that's a fact. Alice
did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would be as
well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she was trying
to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at
once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and
the baby-the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,
plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit
her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it was quite
impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
- Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing! - cried Alice, jumping up and
down in an agony of terror. - Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose; - as an
unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
- If everybody minded their own business, - the Duchess said in a
hoarse growl, - the world would go round a deal faster than it does.
- Which would NOT be an advantage, - said Alice, who felt very glad
to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. - Just
think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth
takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis
- Talking of axes, - said the Duchess, - chop off her head! Alice
glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take the
hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be
listening, so she went on again: - Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is it
twelve? I
- Oh, don't bother ME, - said the Duchess; - I never could abide
figures! - And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort
of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end
of every line:

- Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.

CHORUS.

(In which the cook and the baby joined):

- Wow! wow! wow!

While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so, that
Alice could hardly hear the words:

- I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!

CHORUS.

- Wow! wow! wow!

- Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like! - the Duchess said to
Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. - I must go and get ready to
play croquet with the Queen, - and she hurried out of the room. The cook
threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer shaped
little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, - just
like a star-fish, - thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like
a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was
to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it
out into the open air. - IF I don't take this child away with me, -
thought Alice, - they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
murder to leave it behind? - She said the last words out loud, and the
little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). -
Don't grunt, - said Alice; - that's not at all a proper way of expressing
yourself.
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face
to see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had a
VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes
were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not like the
look of the thing at all. - But perhaps it was only sobbing, - she
thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.
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